Things that belong to you:
Your choices.
Your actions.
Your reactions.
Your feelings.
Your life.
Your happiness.
Things that don’t belong to you:
Others’ choices.
Others’ actions.
Others’ reactions.
Other people.
The world.
One person can’t take on everything. If there is one lesson I’ve learned in 2011 so far, it’s just that. I crossed a major bridge last night by finding out a piece of information that I won’t talk about here. It’s probably one of the most painful things I’ve had to deal with yet, but it was inevitable and I knew it was coming. I am hoping this is the last big obstacle that I’ll have to jump over for a while. One thing kept repeating over and over in my mind last night: If you love something, set it free. As much as it hurts to let go, set it free. It’s not yours. As for the rest of the saying, “… if it comes back it’s yours, if not it was never meant to be,” that has less value for me. I’m not sure anything ever belongs to us. But I could be wrong on that.
While having a drink with a few girlfriends last night, I was told one very important thing – it’s OK for divorce to suck. I don’t have to pretend like it’s easy or find a positive philosophy in everything. And, dear readers, I’ve come to the conclusion that it does indeed “suck”. :) Another great piece of advice someone else shared is that the way two people handle something is going to be very different, divorce being no exception. Even though Mike and I are in the exact same scenario, I can’t compare the way I heal, feel and cope to the way he heals, feels and copes. They are just two very different things, neither of them being wrong.
I’ve decided that this is the last time I’ll publicly talk about this experience, because I just need to get over it. Cut the cord. There are too many other wonderful things in life to talk about and focus on! Just know that I’ll be OK, and so will Mike.



4 comments
Comments feed for this article
May 19, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Chez
Your perspective on this is really great. You’re going to be just fine
May 19, 2011 at 7:56 pm
Jen West
THANK YOU Chez… you have been there for me from the very beginning of all of this. I love you so much.
May 20, 2011 at 1:35 am
Marilyn
Jen – You are right – it does suck! Even an amicable divorce sucks! You are going through a grieving process. It does get better every day! Take care of yourself. Reconnect with who you really are as an individual. Enjoy your time with your friends. I encourage you to get some counseling to help you put your feelings in perspective. It will help you make some good decisions about what you want in your next relationship down the road. Good luck to you!
May 20, 2011 at 10:56 pm
yan
reading this reminds me of my favorite poem, ‘If’ by kipling, which I often turn to for strength and comfort when the sea of life gets a bit rocky – http://www.businessballs.com/ifpoemrudyardkipling.htm