Weigh-In Wednesday: 152.8

It looks cold outside, and according to my phone it is a chilly 47 degrees.  Cold weather makes me want to indulge in some of my greatest comforts – snuggly sweaters, blankets, heaters and warm drinks like hot chocolate or decaf coffee.  It also makes me want to stay under the covers a little longer in the morning.  :)  One of the absolute worst feelings when it’s cold outside is to try and run… it’s the pits.  Since you know you are going to eventually get warm, and fast, you have to dress accordingly, so that first 10 minutes sucks like no other.  Can you tell that I’m looking forward to that?

I’m going to go out on a limb here (oh wait, I was already on one…) and say that the feeling of winter is a very similar to the state of mind that encourages you to gain weight.  Winter is not comfortable, you need to put things on your body in order to protect yourself and feel warm.  I think sometimes we enter into hard phases of life and all we want to do it eat to put on those same type of layers to prevent certain things from happening to us.  When we don’t feel good about how we look, we think we don’t have to worry so much about someone loving us then hurting us, or making us not feel important because we’ve already done that to ourselves. Emotional eating  is almost a control thing – I’m going to hurt myself before you can.  And sometimes once you start indulging that void with food, it’s hard to stop.  You get bigger and start superficially proving to yourself that you aren’t worth it, all the while falling down a deep dark hole that’s very hard to get back out of.  As someone who has crawled back out of that hole, I still feel very vulnerable to it because it will always be in my line of sight.  But luckily for me I can see more clearly now to avoid falling in it.  I am not interested in punishing myself anymore, I am only interested in finding and experiencing happiness.  And it’s all as simple as a choice.  We are never out of control.  You are fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

Another similar thing that I like to remember from time to time is that nobody can make you feel anything.  Common phrases like “you hurt me” or “you made me do this” are completely false.  A person can only hurt you if you allow them to.  You’ve made a choice to let them.  I always think that is incredibly interesting as someone who pretty often lets other people dictate how I feel.  I am very happy to say though that happens much less often now, and if it does, I am able to put it into perspective really fast. It gives me great power to know that a smile or a good mood is just one smart choice away.