Perception, attitude and belief… these things can make or break how you feel at any given moment. There are so many ways to look at any one thing, or any situation. You can be positive, or you can be negative. Also, if you believe that something will happen…. it probably will. People sometimes tell me that I am too optimistic and that sets me up for bigger disappointments. I don’t think that is true at all. I think visualizing and hoping for good things is the only way they will ever happen to you. And just because I’m optimistic doesn’t mean that I can’t be realistic as well. When things don’t go my way, that’s OK. I just keep trying until it does happen or unfolds the way I’d like it to. I can’t imagine living in a world or existence with no hope for the future. Or not having any dreams and aspirations. Even if that dream is just to sit on your front porch with a glass of sweet tea in a rocking chair in peace, then I say dream it and do it. But what to do when your dream keeps being delayed by circumstances beyond your control? This has happened to me before and I’m sure it will happen again. I think that is when you have to modify and reevaluate. There is something I’ve wanted for quite some time now, and I’ve had to be very flexible in order for it to progress. I’m glad that I did too, because it is shaping up to be better than I originally imagined.
I think the most important thing to remember is to chase the things that make you happiest. That make you feel alive inside. That challenge you to be better than you are. That let you be expressive and creative. That let you share care, concern and love. That let you be yourself in the highest form.
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June 13, 2012 at 3:17 pm
Shirley
This article is wonderful! My husband and I were talking about this just last night, and it’s nice to see a reminder in my email! -Shirley
June 13, 2012 at 3:18 pm
Jen West
June 13, 2012 at 9:37 pm
Paula
Jen, I have had a real problem with maintaining hope in a life that has had me kicked around a bit by the situations that i am in. Thanks for this article. I would love it if you wrote more about how to have hope when you don’t have control of the things around you. That’s the situation i am in. And i have little resources to peruse anything of worth or pleasure or that helps me or defines me. It just feels like i have been fighting alot against so many different things and i am tired, worn and beaten.
June 14, 2012 at 1:35 pm
Jen West
Paula, I am glad that you wrote me this yesterday. I’ve been thinking about it a great deal…and as I don’t know your exact circumstances, I can only imagine what it feels like to be trapped by your environment. You are so right, there are some who aren’t given a fair shot…making it very difficult to break free and truly do the things you want to do. How do you foster hope when you feel like there is none to spare? I won’t pretend to understand what you may be experiencing, but I will try to offer some ideas that come to mind if I imagined myself feeling a similar way. What around you is beautiful? Is there something that you love, like your house, or a pet? When I first moved into my mini house after my divorce, I felt alone and misplaced. The therapist I was seeing told me to make my immediate environment something that I looked forward to going to everyday. It didn’t require spending money – just some care and adjusting my perspective. Eventually my home became a place that made me happy, and comforted me when I felt scared. It seems to me that you need comfort… where can you find that around you? It doesn’t have to be your house…it can be cooking, taking warm bathes, going for solo walks in the evening just to think. I think you need to find a way to take care of yourself, so you are better equipped to handle your current world around you. I would also recommend making baby goals… small things that are attainable that you know will make you smile, then work up from there. Maybe try to find things that only involve you and some quiet time to think. Like laying in a park or meditating. Visualize things that you want, even if they seem super practical. But most importantly, I think you should take care of yourself right now. Love your spirit a little and try to heal it in order to move forward again. This will definitely take time, as healing and solutions aren’t easy to find. But, I think you will get there. Will you please keep me posted, and write me again if you need words of encouragement? – Jen
June 15, 2012 at 6:20 pm
Paula
Jen, thank you for your reply. My situation is harder than most to get a grip on. I have no place really to make my own sanctuary. There are alot of details to that, but i would like to move if i could, i just can’t right now. My current place offers no privacy so i constantly feel upset. People are walking thru my room at all hours of the day and night to use the laundry and access the basement. When i moved here it wasn’t that way. But the original owner sold the house, i still live here and the new owner isn’t very understanding. It is illegal to have a lock on the basement door, so there is none. But things have gone missing here. There is evidence of my things being disturbed when i am away from the house. I even worry for my cat when i leave.
I am disabled, and live far from parks, and other places, so I stay in mostly, walking and other things are really painful, although i do them when i need to, so i can function.
My family all lives in the south. I am stuck way up North. They are really busy with their own lives and my children are grown and in the military and stationed away from me. I had a divorce several years ago, but i never seemed to move forward from it. But am now getting grief and loss counseling for what i thought was the death of my mother but it turns out the grief started much before that. I had just stopped functioning last year when she died.
At the time of her death, I didn’t have anyone really to talk to about my mom.. because my family is out of state and super busy and I haven’t really established friends outside of the doctors that i see every week for my disability. My depression makes it so i isolate myself rather than look for others to share in my sadness. I know that’s not the way to win friends and influence people lol …And my psych doctor had dropped me for missing 2 apts when i went down south for her funeral, several states away. They didn’t want to understand there was a death in the family, so it wasn’t until May that I was picked up by another psych doctor, nearly a year later.
When i am not depressed i am friendly and make friends easily, but i have been majorly depressed for several years.
I feel odd posting this personal information publicly, but maybe it will help someone else in a nearly hopeless situation sometime to overcome the odds.
Thanks for everything Jen. Also it is awesome all the good things that have happened to you. I will try to find a way to take your advice. It is just hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel right now. Or even to find the middle of the tunnel i guess.
June 14, 2012 at 4:49 pm
The Other Side « The Jen West Quest
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