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Weigh-In Wednesday #53 – 148.2
There’s a lot of real change & potential change swirling around at the moment in almost every facet of my life. Maybe this happens to everyone during the onset of spring, but I feel like it’s happening more than usual this year. While some of it is hard, I believe it is all for the best and pulling me in the right direction. I find exercise to be especially comforting during times like these… it helps to keep me grounded and positive. There is nothing better than a good sweat session while listening to some awesome tunes. If only for a moment, it takes me away from the real world and provides solid quiet time. It also helps me fall asleep better at night and get the rest that I desperately need.
While at physical therapy yesterday, I got two thumbs up on the Half Ironman next weekend. After my last session this Friday, I can run on my own!! I asked them their honest opinion on my ability to finish, and they said that my knee shouldn’t be a factor at that point. The only thing I will have to fight through is the fact that my body isn’t conditioned to do the distances at the moment, but they feel like I will finish because of my strong will and personality. I took that as a compliment. Someone else told me yesterday that I looked “strong”. That also gave me a confidence boost. I am indeed strong, stronger than I’ve ever been in my whole life.
I feel like right now I’m going going going at every second of the day… but it’s a good thing. The distraction is welcome, because I fear that if I’m left alone with nothing to do for too long that I will start to feel lonely and a little sad. It is strange being in a temporary house, even if it’s with my parents. I miss our cats. I miss Mike. But I know we are doing the right thing, it’s just all part of the emotional process & healing. Onward & upward!!!!
It’s shaping up to be a beautiful day outside! I once again have a ton of work to knock out in the office, but am optimistic that I can get it all done. This is my last week to attend physical therapy as well, which is exciting and sad all at the same time. I’ve become really good friends with everyone at Champion Sports Medicine and it will be so weird to not see them twice a week. I’m going to make my last day extra special though & bring a surprise for AJ & Chelsey (my PT & trainer). Sprinkles may be involved.
Mike and I weren’t sure what would happen after writing our blog posts from yesterday saying that we were going to split up and why, but the responses were so positive and uplifting from you guys. We really needed that jolt of support, so THANK YOU. Last night we took another big step and took our wedding rings off together (I just swapped hands, and Mike put his on his key chain), as well as setting our Facebook relationship statuses to private. I have to say it brought back another little wave of sadness, but it is so comforting to do things like that with each other. I have not been in this experience alone, Mike is with me every step of the way. It doesn’t make the separation easier for either of us, but it’s very affirming in the sense that it’s the right thing to do.
On a much happier note… my knee is kicking a** and taking names!!! It’s like it waited to heal when I needed it to the most. As silly as it sounds, accomplishing new things & getting back to my old exercise routine is bringing me extreme amounts of joy. Yesterday at physical therapy, I was cleared to bike with no restrictions!!! I. Might. Die of excitement. Also, it’s been SO AWESOME to get on the Arc Trainer and really use my legs. I only have two sessions of physical therapy left, and they told me that by this time next week I will be running on the roads with no restrictions as well. Holy geez, that makes me want to scream with joy! I ran again yesterday on the anti-gravity treadmill at 75% body weight with no problems. I am so grateful and proud of myself for sticking this out and keeping up with my cardio & strength while being extremely restricted. I basically rock my socks off right now.
Tonight I am having dinner with Mike’s parents, then going to watch Mike’s improv comedy show at BFT. It will be nice to see his folks and talk to them about what’s been going on. Just like I don’t want to lose Mike in any capacity, I don’t want to lose his family either. I feel like they are still my family and love them very much. Mike also spent some time with everyone in my immediate family earlier in the week after we broke the news to them, and they all expressed their love and support. It was a good night, and it showed both of us that things don’t have to change too much outside of our relationship.
I hope you guys have a great Friday! It will be a busy day for me, but busy is good. See you tomorrow.
Weigh-In Wednesday #48: 146.4
The first thing I saw this morning when I turned on the TODAY Show was that they had taken Charlie Sheen’s twin boys away last night. Thank goodness!! That guy is completely off his rocker. Sure, his quotes are hysterically awesome over some cute cat pictures, but his home was no place for children to be living.
I am really going to miss physical therapy when I am through with it! Mostly because of the people and the relationships I have developed there. I go to a place called Champion Sports Medicine here in Birmingham, and they treat all kinds of high-profile athletes from around the country because of a well-respected doctor named James Andrews. Don’t get me wrong, they see normal everyday people like me too, but there are always a handful of athletes when I go who look like they could be famous… mostly professional football players. Sometimes they wear sunglasses to disguise their identity, but they have no worries of me ever recognizing them. I have become friends with my PT’s assistant and look forward to working with her every time I go. She always makes me laugh with her dry Canadian sense of humor. There is just a level of comfort and likability with the people there that I really value. Plus, they done wonders with my knee!
I’ve discovered a whole new underwater world that I never knew existed until becoming injured. Since I’ve been spending some serious time in the pool, I always seem to time my workouts with the teen swim team at the gym. This is fine b/c they leave at least 3 lanes open and usually I can hop right in despite the volume of people in the water. Not that I’m staring or anything, but I love to study the kids that I seem to see at least 3 times a week. They all have specific swimming body types – broad shoulders with small waists and hips. The girls and the boys would almost look alike if it weren’t for their swimsuits. The swim caps and googles make it even more androgynous. But the funniest thing is their underwater world. I’ve noticed them communicating with each other under the water where their coach can’t see. There’s definite flirting going on and messing around. Not in an alarming way, but in a cute way. I guess you notice a lot when you are bobbing up and down with nothing else to do. It’s especially weird to make unexpected eye-contact with another swimmer while under water. It’s an instant connection with another human being that only lasts for a split second, with both people pretending like it never happened once it’s over. I guess it feels strange b/c you can’t talk or use normal means of communication, it’s all body language. It feels magical and raw. Could I be falling in love with swimming? It definitely appears so.
I got a great water running workout in yesterday afternoon, and I am feeling awesome this morning! I really needed a good cardio session. On Saturday while in the pool, I met a man who taught me how to add some resistance while water jogging. I needed the advice because I was having trouble getting my heart rate up to a desirable level. Thank you Jim for the help!!
My knee is getting better and better each day. I probably still have a week and a half before I can put body weight on it while exercising, but I’m OK with that since I’ve found ways to maintain my endurance and muscle strength in the meantime. I can’t say enough how valuable the physical therapy has been. If I hadn’t gotten my knee diagnosed and treated properly, I could have permanently damaged it. But since I’m treating it, it will be good as new in no time! Looks like low/regular squats are a trigger movement for my injury, so I will have to be extra careful of those in the future.
Yesterday was a special day because I got to spend some time with my Grandmother (Louise) West, who’s in the hospital. She is 92 years old and fighting hard for her life. She has had a rough couple of days, but by the time I got there they had finally found a way to manage her pain. She was asleep most of the time while I was there catching up on her rest. During the brief moments she was awake, she was her usual self making everyone else feel loved while cracking a few jokes here and there. She is the all-time best story-teller, even though she tends to repeat the same ones over and over again. She loves to give advice on how to preserve & freeze food. She even freezes coffee… no joke. If I’m not mistaken, she has at least 3 freezers in her house full of food waiting to be enjoyed by someone. That’s a lot of food my friends. Before I left yesterday, she put her hand on mine and said, “You are beautiful. I love you so much.” The feeling is mutual, grandma.
What a week. I’ve got to learn how to deal with stress better… between birthday festivities, a very busy week at work, knee therapy, and our first Ghost Ghirls shoot, there wasn’t a point where I didn’t feel overwhelmed by all that was happening around me. I got so overwhelmed in fact, that yesterday when I woke up it was hard to breathe.
All this boils down to vulnerability. Sometimes I don’t deal with exposure well, and I’m left craving some serious alone time. Putting yourself out there with the either the opportunity for success or failure is a thrilling high most of the time, but when you fail… it sometimes hurts twice as much.
Is my heart still hurting from my missed marathon last Sunday? Maybe. It has been so frustrating to not be able to run or do high intensity exercise. While I am learning how to get a good workout from deep water running, it doesn’t quite feel the same. I desperately want to go for a run in this amazing 70-degree weather we are having… it is literally calling my name. Maybe I just need some sunshine. After my pool workout today maybe I’ll go and lay in a park somewhere for a little bit. I need to remember that my knee will be better in the next week or two, and I’ll be back out there in no time!
When I find myself down like this, one of the only comforting thoughts is to envision myself crossing the New Orleans Half Ironman finish line in late April. I swear, racing is like crack. Food used to fill that void for me, but now I rely heavily on exercise to give me joy and fulfillment. I just want to get out there, sweat it out, and prove to myself that I CAN DO IT. It’s validation like no other. I need it.
Ghost Ghirls went pretty well last night, though we figured out pretty quickly that we need more ghost hunting equipment & devices. We also need scarier places to visit. While visiting happy ghosts sounds like fun in theory, in our first experience they weren’t very communicative. Luckily the history of our first location is pretty fascinating and we will be able to carry the webisode purely based on that. I guess I wasn’t expecting such a learning curve, but now that we’ve experienced our first outing it only makes sense with so many variables involved. Because of this, we will have to push back our “season premiere” to April 1st, but I promise it will be worth the wait!
Today I am going to visit my 92-year-old grandmother West who is very sick in the hospital. She is an amazing lady who had 7 sons and created LOTS of beautiful artwork in her lifetime. My mom and dad named me after her – Jennifer Louise West, her first name being Louise. I have over 20 cousins on that side of the family alone! Anyway, I am feeling a little down about that as well because looks like we might lose her pretty soon. She is ready to go though, she has been waiting over 20 years to be reunited with her husband Howard who died when I was in the 5th grade. She also lost two of her sons over the years and I know she can’t wait to see them again, too. She is a beautiful woman with the most amazing skin & smile. I can’t wait to hug her neck today and spend some time with her. It will be bittersweet.
After visiting with her today, I want to go camp out in a coffee shop and work on my book. I am feeling very open & transparent at the moment, which works really well for writing. I got some great advice from some of you the last time I posted about my book, so I can’t thank you enough for sharing your wisdom with me! I hope your Sunday is beautiful. Love to you all.
The Ghost Ghirls blog is LIVE!!! One step closer to another 2011 resolution coming true. You can view the blog by clicking here, or you can “like” us on Facebook to stay up-to-date on the project. It’s going to be FUN!!
If one thing is for sure – people feel very strongly one way or the other about ghosts. I’ve come to realize this over the past week or so, especially when ouija boards come up in the conversation. I am a firm believer in energies and spirits sometimes hanging around after death, especially if they are lost or confused. But there are other people who feel very strongly that this isn’t the case. Either way, we plan to have some fun while learning one way or the other!! We are going on two Ghost Ghirl hunts tonight – the first one is a “happy” spirit living in a well-known historical house here in Birmingham, Alabama. The second spirit is not-so-nice, and we are pretty nervous about that encounter. We are only going to spend about 3 hours tops in each location for this first night out. We will also build our ghost equipment as we go… so tonight we are relying heavily on traditional devices. Our mission isn’t to “prove” without a doubt that a site is haunted… instead we are seeking to communicate and learn a little history along the way, while having a lot of fun. It’s a dream come true… Halloween 365 days a year!!! :D
On another note, my physical therapy is going really great. My therapists probably think I’m nuts b/c I get so excited about random things like sending electric shock waves through my leg. :) They actually think that I did tear my meniscus, but it is still fixable without surgery. Everyone is very confident that I should be able to compete in the New Orleans Half Ironman in late April with no problems. I am still so glad that I sought out a doctor’s advice and am treating it appropriately… otherwise, who knows what I would have done to my knee in the future! Probably would have gone on to damage it permanently.
I am feeling super restless not being able to run or bike. Swimming is so inconvenient, but I am sticking with the program and keeping up with my endurance and strength that way. The PTs said it would be OK to start swimming without the pool float between my legs as long as I don’t feel any pain. YAY!! That is great news. :)
Well, I’m off to prepare for tonight’s Ghost Ghirls outing. Hope you have a great Saturday!