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Sometimes I deliberately avoid my blog dashboard so I won’t be too influenced by if people are actually reading or not. What seems to happen is that I begin to believe that no one reads at all, since my entries don’t necessarily generate a lot of comments or likes. But then, when I am brave enough to actually look, I see that there are just as many readers as ever checking in on me. What’s really amazing is that you know when I post – you know my schedule. That makes me really happy. Thank you for reading my blog.
I got a really good comment on my post from yesterday from my friend Lisa that I thought others might find valuable: “…I wanted to share some insight a mentor faculty mentor passed on to me at a very important phase in my life. I was worried I wasn’t being “productive” enough and when I told her so, she gently smiled and taught me that productivity isn’t just about physical action and that it’s good (imperative!) to trust your own brain’s process for development and need for rest/recuperation.” Isn’t that great advice? I too often compare myself to other people as if constantly looking to see if I measure up, or if I’m good enough. There is also another side to her advice that I found helpful – that the process of life has its own agenda. You can control it up to a point and steer it in the direction you’d like to go, but you ultimately just have to go with the flow. Learning to relax a little bit and enjoy the ride is a true talent and gift that takes a little bit of practice. I’ve gotten much better at it, but still have a ways to go.
I have found as well that with each year my idea of happiness changes. In the past I think accomplishing huge things made me feel better about myself and also excited me to no end, and while that is still true…. I now find myself looking more for unique experiences to feed my soul. I like being with people who inspire me, I like new ideas and places, I like rediscovering things with a whole new perspective. Still I find myself wanting to turn my experiences into something tangible, which I do to some extent with my blog. I think that’s why a book calls to me right now, because I can apply some of my feelings, thoughts and experiences to a character that I have free creative range with. James has offered to help keep me accountable to a schedule, which I will take him up on. It is really hard for me to share the content of my book though with other people, which I am going to have to get over really fast. 
It is highly personal and makes me feel very vulnerable for several reasons. I think because a lot of what I write about has actually happened to me, and also I worry that I’m not a very good writer. That book is a lot like looking into my soul, and I worry that it might be too much for another person. But, I also know that is a very silly thought and goes against my desire of being truly authentic. It excites me that I’m reaching so deep to create something of such importance, because that’s also how I know that people will probably find value in reading it.
Speaking of important personal projects, The Burger Coalition is tonight! It’s the brain baby of James & Dan, and I was lucky enough to get my name in the hat for the Birmingham group’s dinner this evening at Ollie Irene. The idea is simple – to share a good meal (specifically, a burger) and have good conversation… hopefully with people who you don’t know or see often. James & Dan make a dynamic duo of sorts, as they seem to have this magic between them that makes collaborative projects happen with ease. You’ve heard the saying before that there are “sayers” and “doers”, well, they are definitely doers. And it is so inspiring. I will be glad to say that I was in the first one, and I will report back tomorrow on how it went!
Belated Mother’s Day dinner at Silvertron Cafe!
Next week I hit my 700th blog post! 
As a superstitious person, I’m very glad to be almost out of the 600′s. Blog #666 was especially painful, if it would have let me skipped it I would have. I think most people assign luck and power to specific numbers as well, especially after watching our silent auction last night. People didn’t want to go in numerical order for their bid numbers, instead they randomly picked their own with the ones we had available. It made me feel better to know that I’m not the only weirdo out there with magical thoughts.
The party went extremely well… couldn’t have been any better! We raised a lot of money for the Cahaba River Society, and had a blast doing it. It only rained once during the party for a short amount of time after the majority of the crowd had already arrived. The music was great, the food was delicious, and our guests came with big smiles on their faces ready to have a good time. It was the biggest fundraiser to date, so that is something to be very proud of. Today, I get to clean & do post party wrap-up. Then later on I head off to Columbus, Georgia to spend time with my family!!
Today I am grateful for so many things – for the people I have around me, the opportunities I’ve been given, and a brand new day in front of me. There is nothing more rewarding than accomplishing a big task…it makes you feel like you can do almost anything. And that’s the way I’m feeling right at this very moment!
Random shower photo shoot with Lindsay.
I love lists. I make them for almost everything, and I love checking items off as I achieve them. I also love to use lists as a way to dream about the future. This week I wrote two that were especially joyful, one was about the things I want (and when I say “things”, I usually mean experiences or goals…unless it’s a new gadget or computer) and the other was a little more personal which I won’t talk about here. I’ve found myself staring at what I wrote down during quiet moments, and every time it brings a smile to my face. I always write everything of importance in my purple notebook which I’ve had for about four years now. The contents of it are all out of order as I love to just pick a random page surrounded by fresh white ones to start scribbling thoughts on. It has basically turned into a diary of sorts that only I know the sequence to. There is something very powerful about a hand-written idea, image or word that makes it connect with your soul a little bit more. It’s like a soul stamp that leaves an essence of your spirit behind in that exact moment of time. I can look at old notes from the past and almost immediately identify with how I was feeling that day. It usually makes me laugh to read some of the very random ideas that I come up with & flesh out on paper. If nothing else, I’m a dreamer…that is for certain. I’m also a doer, which is equally as important.
A quick Zen Jen update – I’ve been doing really, really well with my exercise, eating and other mini goals that I set for myself during this 4 week period (of which I’m about a week and a half in). I only wanted to lose a few pounds, which I think I’ve already done successfully. I’ve also done a good job with not stepping on the scale, which is a battle on a daily basis, but with each passing day I feel a little more free from it. It still continues to be true that I feel better about my body when I don’t use it at a measurement tool of my exterior appearance. I wonder though if I can make it two and a half more weeks without using one…so we will see! Once again I’ve basically given up on the meditation (boo!!!)…but I have taken more quiet time for myself in general, especially on the weekends. I do spend time visualizing through writing & such, so maybe I haven’t failed 100%. Someone posted the phrase “baby steps” when I wrote my meditation goals a few weeks back, so if I am going by those standards then maybe I’m on track. 
Last night I had dinner with the amazing Gin Phillips, local author of two nationally successful novels – The Well and the Mine and Come In and Cover Me. She just wrapped up her latest book tour and is now knee-deep into her next project. Gin and I share some mutual close friends, though we’ve never spent any one-on-one time until last night. Her birthday was a few days ago as well, so we first talked about what had done to celebrate being one year older. Gin also has a 7-month old baby, so you can imagine that her life is pretty busy these days.
When we got to the topic of the process of writing a book, I just laid it all out there for her. I told her that I had been wanting to write one for years, and that I finally had a solid idea & outline… plus almost 2 chapters written. I confessed my concern that it was taking me such a looooong time to have so little done, and was that normal? I also told her that felt inadequate sometimes b/c I don’t know some basic things about writing in long form, and I’ve had to go back and redo things because of my lack of knowledge. She told me that her first book took the longest, several years in fact, and it was never published. The Well and the Mine was her second effort, and it was rejected by so many agents and publishers before it was even taken on by someone. As you know, The Well and the Mine has gone on to be extremely successful and was picked up by Penguin Publishing before all was said and done. I have no doubt that the sky is the limit for Gin from here on out. Before we met for dinner last night, she also told me that it would not be advisable to send out my outline & completed chapters until I have a solid rough draft finish. The reason why is because so many things can change from point A to point B…and it only gets better with more polishing. Plus, it is already difficult enough to shop a fairly completed book, the odds of getting the best shot that I could would be even less with only a few chapters. I felt better getting some solid direction from someone who has been-there-done-that.
As far as time is concerned, she said she knows authors that took 15 years to write a book (which won’t be my case, I assure you…I don’t have the patience). There are no predetermined rules or expectations. However, what the publishers do look for is marketability, and she felt like my premise was a strong & interesting one. I do too, actually. The hard part for me is the formatting, hole-filling, and motivation to keep pushing when it gets hard…to be completely honest. But I’m not one to give up, so it will come to fruition all in due time. I left our dinner feeling re-energized and validated. New things just take time to master, and I’m a fast learner.
It was a great weekend. I got caught up on my rest, knocked out some personal tasks, hammered away at some 2012 resolutions and managed to have a little bit of fun in the process. Friday night was very peaceful. After work, I went over to my parent’s house to see the Lily Bean then we all went to dinner at Sweet Tea for some southern cuisine. I love eating dinner with my folks…there is nothing better than sharing a meal with people who you feel 100% comfortable around. We talked about our weeks, laughed a little, and just generally chilled out. I saw them again several times over the weekend as well.
I managed to watch three chick flicks this weekend – Water for Elephants, One Day, and Eat, Pray Love. Just a fair warning for those of you who weren’t in the know like me, One Day is suuuuuuper sad. It was a great film, but I just wanted to curl up in a ball and give up on life after I watched it. I almost had to stop watching Water for Elephants as well, but luckily that ended on a much happier note. I’d already seen Eat, Pray, Love, which is exactly why I rented it again. I needed a guaranteed feel-good movie after those two downers.
Saturday night was my designated “friend” night, and I spent the evening with some of my favorite people in Birmingham in honor of my friend David for his birthday. There are so many great folks in this little big city. You are always 2 degrees from everyone you meet, which can be a good and bad thing. Good for friendships, not always so good for dating. But just when I think that I know everyone in this town, someone new pops up in my life.
As I said earlier, I spent a big part of the weekend working on my own personal goals. I have officially become a regular at my local coffee shop. There is something about having private time in a public place that makes it more energizing than just being at home. I think it is also too easy to fall into procrastination habits when you are in your own space. I find that when I am around others who are either working solo or reading on their own, I feed off of that sense of community that I’m not the only one “by myself.” A strange concept, but true. Almost like being at a library except with decaf hot tea.
Dinner with my folks at Sweet Tea
My Crestwood Coffee buddy, Brandi!
The Clayster
Birthday boy David & Sam
Last night I enjoyed a yummy home-cooked meal prepared by my friends Charles & Carrie Beth. I love spending time with them…they always make me feel so welcomed and loved. Sometimes you just need to be around good friends, and last night was the perfect example. They fed my soul in more ways than one. We talked about memories, future plans and general life happenings. I left in a much better headspace than when I arrived!
I am looking forward to some quiet time this weekend to get some personal things done. It’s been a busy 10 days and I need to put some energy back into my being. I feel the need to go within myself and recharge. I think a nice coffee shop, my laptop and good music will do just the trick. Writing has become a nice way to escape lately. The older I get, the more I fall in love with words. Even if I am the only person who ever sees some of the things that I write, it is such a release to let thoughts and ideas flow from my spirit. I used to think that art was only a visual medium, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. There is something magical about painting a picture purely from description, and letting your reader create the masterpiece in their own minds. It ends up being something more intimate to the interpreter, I think.
There is nothing more powerful in life than to be a master of your own feelings. I am a fairly sensitive person, which has its ups and downs. I am capable of deep, intense understanding…while on the flipside I can sometimes be easily hurt by others. It has been a lifelong challenge to build confidence in myself and to not need reassurance from someone else. Most of the time I have a good handle on it, but every now and then – especially when I am tired – I feel my sensitivities rise. I can be unfairly hard on myself, but luckily it is usually short-lived. It is probably obvious at this point that I am currently feeling this way, but I think a few days of rest and expression will effectively push the reset button.
Herb-Stuffed Scallops with Asparagus, Almonds & Citrus...made by Charles & Carrie Beth!
Champagne with friends.
It’s not set in stone, but I think I’ve made a big decision – I’m not going to attempt a Half Ironman this year. Why? For two reasons. Number one, my knee is giving me a little bit of a problem. It just gets sore when I try to do more than a certain amount of exercise. The two PT’s in my family say that my injury is definitely manageable if I ever want to attempt that distance again, but I will have to supplement with stabilization exercises and ice every time I do anything significant on it. Honestly, I need to feel some significant passion to complete a Half again… and I’m borderline there. That’s just not good enough to stay injury-free. The second reason why is because I want to enjoy exercise this year. While I love a big goal and I love to train, I want to use that time for other things… like writing and being with other people. Here’s the thing – I’m never going to be the best triathlete. It is something I really love, but when it boils down to it it’s just a hobby. I have a real opportunity this year to do something significant with my writing, so I am choosing to put that effort in that direction. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to give up sports, far from it. I have no problem completing shorter distances and plan to still participate in local short distance triathlons and running races. After saying all of this… watch this be the year that I actually win a slot in the Kona Ironman World Championship Lottery. That would suuuuuuuuck. But it doesn’t matter in the end, this year is for other goals. I can always train up again next year for the Half, and maybe even a full Ironman. And by then my knee might be even better.
Speaking of writing, I am on course for my end of January goal. I’ve tracked down an agent in New York City who is going to look over my outline and first chapter, and give me feedback based on what I’ve got so far. That’s exciting! The more I talk to people about my concept, the more ideas I get. I’m still a little shy about the fact that I’m doing another romantic comedy, but honestly I kind of dig the direction it’s going in. Last night while writing in a local coffee shop, I randomly sat next to a table of writers who were also working on book projects. I picked their brains a little about the process, as some of them had almost complete manuscripts and were in the last phases of completion. In a time where almost anyone can write a book and get it published (whether on your own or through a publisher), it kind of lights my fire a little to know that I can be competitive. Sometimes you can just feel things in your bones… and this is one of them. I kind of know that I am going to knock this one out of the park. Not that it is going to be easy, but I’ve got what it takes.
It’s been interesting going back to a regular blogging schedule (now Monday – Friday) after having about 2 months to post whenever I’ve wanted. It’s such a great exercise to make yourself really dig deep to find that content buried within. It is easier and harder in it’s own way… sometimes you’re left staring at a blank screen for longer periods of time trying to think of things to say, then the words just magically appear. When I was blogging more sporadically, I almost had too much to say and it was harder to sort out what things were more important. When you are on a routine, it forces you to find the words to say… because you just have to.
A friend of mine, Lindsay Garrett, threw out a simple thought on Facebook this morning: So if this were your last year on earth… (fill in the blank). I love questions like that. If I had exactly one year to live, there are soooo many things that I’d want to do! Here is a short list:
1. Eat delicious and creative food
2. Make delicious and creative food
3. Love, love, love
4. Be around others that I care about
5. Take as many vacations as I can… top priorities would be: New Orleans, New York, Italy, Europe in general, Northwest US, tropical islands, and California.
6. Complete an Ironman
7. Hold a printed copy of my book in my hands
8. Make another movie
9. Attend Sundance
10. Attend a big music festival
11. Get lots of massages
12. Pamper myself
13. Pamper my cats
14. Sky Dive (maybe…)
15. Laugh a lot
16. Live a lot
17. Be present
18. Take a lot of walks
19. Read important books
20. Have fun, fun fun!
I woke up this morning feeling like life is good. I was warm in my bed with a cute cat next to me, I had a good job to get up for, dreams to concur, and my body felt alive and healthy. You know what’s the best? Waking up a few hours before your alarm is set to go off and realizing you still have plenty of time to go back to sleep. What’s even better is waking up during an especially awesome dream and getting to continue it. I am very happy with this Wednesday morning.
Some days you get a gift of better clarity, perspective and foresight. This is one of those days. I worked on my book last night and was very happy with the progress I made. I am getting conflicting reports on what to do next however… some say that a solid outline and first chapter is enough coupled with my blog statistics, while others say that I will need a polished manuscript in order to get a publisher since this is my first book. Either way I am going to start putting the project out there at the end of January in the hopes that I can at least get an agent, if not a book contract as well. Having a good agent would be huge and a big confidence booster for me. We will see what happens…I feel like I am ready to make this a reality and I have been following through with action.
This week I have been eating a lot of whole foods while eliminating processed crap, dairy and meats. Basically, I have temporarily gone vegan just to see what it would feel like. I do not plan to permanently stop eating dairy and meat, b/c I love both of them very much. But it’s been fun to try something new and I feel like it’s been beneficial to my body in only a matter of days. I thought eliminating dairy would be especially difficult, but it’s been no big deal. The easiest thing I did was swap my regular 1% milk for almond milk. It’s really tasty and even has more calcium. I was afraid to try it honestly, but I was pleasantly surprised. I’ve been tracking my food on Livestrong’s MyPlate app, and my protein intake has been above normal even without the meat and dairy. That always blows my mind a little bit. Anyway, this is just an experiment to broaden my horizons. It’s been fun!
I’ve decided to stop blogging every day… ahhh!!! My goal from this point on is to blog only when I have content, roughly two times a week. Somehow that seems harder to do, not having a firm daily schedule, but it will be good for me and my writing I think. I hope all of you still come back and check in, because it feels like I am letting go of something important by doing this. But it also feels like the right thing to do. As I try to become more true to myself, I want to put less expectations and self-imposed rules on things that I love to do. My blog is very important to me and it should happen on a natural schedule. It will be very strange to not do a post tomorrow though, and I’m sure I will be a little sad. But I haven’t lost anything really, I’ve gained more than I could have ever imagined from this little quest. Thanks for reading.
