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Last night I had dinner with the amazing Gin Phillips, local author of two nationally successful novels – The Well and the Mine and Come In and Cover Me. She just wrapped up her latest book tour and is now knee-deep into her next project. Gin and I share some mutual close friends, though we’ve never spent any one-on-one time until last night. Her birthday was a few days ago as well, so we first talked about what had done to celebrate being one year older. Gin also has a 7-month old baby, so you can imagine that her life is pretty busy these days.
When we got to the topic of the process of writing a book, I just laid it all out there for her. I told her that I had been wanting to write one for years, and that I finally had a solid idea & outline… plus almost 2 chapters written. I confessed my concern that it was taking me such a looooong time to have so little done, and was that normal? I also told her that felt inadequate sometimes b/c I don’t know some basic things about writing in long form, and I’ve had to go back and redo things because of my lack of knowledge. She told me that her first book took the longest, several years in fact, and it was never published. The Well and the Mine was her second effort, and it was rejected by so many agents and publishers before it was even taken on by someone. As you know, The Well and the Mine has gone on to be extremely successful and was picked up by Penguin Publishing before all was said and done. I have no doubt that the sky is the limit for Gin from here on out. Before we met for dinner last night, she also told me that it would not be advisable to send out my outline & completed chapters until I have a solid rough draft finish. The reason why is because so many things can change from point A to point B…and it only gets better with more polishing. Plus, it is already difficult enough to shop a fairly completed book, the odds of getting the best shot that I could would be even less with only a few chapters. I felt better getting some solid direction from someone who has been-there-done-that.
As far as time is concerned, she said she knows authors that took 15 years to write a book (which won’t be my case, I assure you…I don’t have the patience). There are no predetermined rules or expectations. However, what the publishers do look for is marketability, and she felt like my premise was a strong & interesting one. I do too, actually. The hard part for me is the formatting, hole-filling, and motivation to keep pushing when it gets hard…to be completely honest. But I’m not one to give up, so it will come to fruition all in due time. I left our dinner feeling re-energized and validated. New things just take time to master, and I’m a fast learner.
It was a great weekend. I got caught up on my rest, knocked out some personal tasks, hammered away at some 2012 resolutions and managed to have a little bit of fun in the process. Friday night was very peaceful. After work, I went over to my parent’s house to see the Lily Bean then we all went to dinner at Sweet Tea for some southern cuisine. I love eating dinner with my folks…there is nothing better than sharing a meal with people who you feel 100% comfortable around. We talked about our weeks, laughed a little, and just generally chilled out. I saw them again several times over the weekend as well.
I managed to watch three chick flicks this weekend – Water for Elephants, One Day, and Eat, Pray Love. Just a fair warning for those of you who weren’t in the know like me, One Day is suuuuuuper sad. It was a great film, but I just wanted to curl up in a ball and give up on life after I watched it. 
I almost had to stop watching Water for Elephants as well, but luckily that ended on a much happier note. I’d already seen Eat, Pray, Love, which is exactly why I rented it again. I needed a guaranteed feel-good movie after those two downers.
Saturday night was my designated “friend” night, and I spent the evening with some of my favorite people in Birmingham in honor of my friend David for his birthday. There are so many great folks in this little big city. You are always 2 degrees from everyone you meet, which can be a good and bad thing. Good for friendships, not always so good for dating. But just when I think that I know everyone in this town, someone new pops up in my life.
As I said earlier, I spent a big part of the weekend working on my own personal goals. I have officially become a regular at my local coffee shop. There is something about having private time in a public place that makes it more energizing than just being at home. I think it is also too easy to fall into procrastination habits when you are in your own space. I find that when I am around others who are either working solo or reading on their own, I feed off of that sense of community that I’m not the only one “by myself.” A strange concept, but true. Almost like being at a library except with decaf hot tea.
Dinner with my folks at Sweet Tea
My Crestwood Coffee buddy, Brandi!
The Clayster
Birthday boy David & Sam
Last night I enjoyed a yummy home-cooked meal prepared by my friends Charles & Carrie Beth. I love spending time with them…they always make me feel so welcomed and loved. Sometimes you just need to be around good friends, and last night was the perfect example. They fed my soul in more ways than one. We talked about memories, future plans and general life happenings. I left in a much better headspace than when I arrived!
I am looking forward to some quiet time this weekend to get some personal things done. It’s been a busy 10 days and I need to put some energy back into my being. I feel the need to go within myself and recharge. I think a nice coffee shop, my laptop and good music will do just the trick. Writing has become a nice way to escape lately. The older I get, the more I fall in love with words. Even if I am the only person who ever sees some of the things that I write, it is such a release to let thoughts and ideas flow from my spirit. I used to think that art was only a visual medium, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. There is something magical about painting a picture purely from description, and letting your reader create the masterpiece in their own minds. It ends up being something more intimate to the interpreter, I think.
There is nothing more powerful in life than to be a master of your own feelings. I am a fairly sensitive person, which has its ups and downs. I am capable of deep, intense understanding…while on the flipside I can sometimes be easily hurt by others. It has been a lifelong challenge to build confidence in myself and to not need reassurance from someone else. Most of the time I have a good handle on it, but every now and then – especially when I am tired – I feel my sensitivities rise. I can be unfairly hard on myself, but luckily it is usually short-lived. It is probably obvious at this point that I am currently feeling this way, but I think a few days of rest and expression will effectively push the reset button.
Herb-Stuffed Scallops with Asparagus, Almonds & Citrus...made by Charles & Carrie Beth!
Champagne with friends.
It’s not set in stone, but I think I’ve made a big decision – I’m not going to attempt a Half Ironman this year. Why? For two reasons. Number one, my knee is giving me a little bit of a problem. It just gets sore when I try to do more than a certain amount of exercise. The two PT’s in my family say that my injury is definitely manageable if I ever want to attempt that distance again, but I will have to supplement with stabilization exercises and ice every time I do anything significant on it. Honestly, I need to feel some significant passion to complete a Half again… and I’m borderline there. That’s just not good enough to stay injury-free. The second reason why is because I want to enjoy exercise this year. While I love a big goal and I love to train, I want to use that time for other things… like writing and being with other people. Here’s the thing – I’m never going to be the best triathlete. It is something I really love, but when it boils down to it it’s just a hobby. I have a real opportunity this year to do something significant with my writing, so I am choosing to put that effort in that direction. This doesn’t mean that I’m going to give up sports, far from it. I have no problem completing shorter distances and plan to still participate in local short distance triathlons and running races. After saying all of this… watch this be the year that I actually win a slot in the Kona Ironman World Championship Lottery. That would suuuuuuuuck. But it doesn’t matter in the end, this year is for other goals. I can always train up again next year for the Half, and maybe even a full Ironman. And by then my knee might be even better.
Speaking of writing, I am on course for my end of January goal. I’ve tracked down an agent in New York City who is going to look over my outline and first chapter, and give me feedback based on what I’ve got so far. That’s exciting! The more I talk to people about my concept, the more ideas I get. I’m still a little shy about the fact that I’m doing another romantic comedy, but honestly I kind of dig the direction it’s going in. Last night while writing in a local coffee shop, I randomly sat next to a table of writers who were also working on book projects. I picked their brains a little about the process, as some of them had almost complete manuscripts and were in the last phases of completion. In a time where almost anyone can write a book and get it published (whether on your own or through a publisher), it kind of lights my fire a little to know that I can be competitive. Sometimes you can just feel things in your bones… and this is one of them. I kind of know that I am going to knock this one out of the park. Not that it is going to be easy, but I’ve got what it takes.
It’s been interesting going back to a regular blogging schedule (now Monday – Friday) after having about 2 months to post whenever I’ve wanted. It’s such a great exercise to make yourself really dig deep to find that content buried within. It is easier and harder in it’s own way… sometimes you’re left staring at a blank screen for longer periods of time trying to think of things to say, then the words just magically appear. When I was blogging more sporadically, I almost had too much to say and it was harder to sort out what things were more important. When you are on a routine, it forces you to find the words to say… because you just have to.
A friend of mine, Lindsay Garrett, threw out a simple thought on Facebook this morning: So if this were your last year on earth… (fill in the blank). I love questions like that. If I had exactly one year to live, there are soooo many things that I’d want to do! Here is a short list:
1. Eat delicious and creative food
2. Make delicious and creative food
3. Love, love, love
4. Be around others that I care about
5. Take as many vacations as I can… top priorities would be: New Orleans, New York, Italy, Europe in general, Northwest US, tropical islands, and California.
6. Complete an Ironman
7. Hold a printed copy of my book in my hands
8. Make another movie
9. Attend Sundance
10. Attend a big music festival
11. Get lots of massages
12. Pamper myself
13. Pamper my cats
14. Sky Dive (maybe…)
15. Laugh a lot
16. Live a lot
17. Be present
18. Take a lot of walks
19. Read important books
20. Have fun, fun fun!
I woke up this morning feeling like life is good. I was warm in my bed with a cute cat next to me, I had a good job to get up for, dreams to concur, and my body felt alive and healthy. You know what’s the best? Waking up a few hours before your alarm is set to go off and realizing you still have plenty of time to go back to sleep. What’s even better is waking up during an especially awesome dream and getting to continue it. I am very happy with this Wednesday morning.
Some days you get a gift of better clarity, perspective and foresight. This is one of those days. I worked on my book last night and was very happy with the progress I made. I am getting conflicting reports on what to do next however… some say that a solid outline and first chapter is enough coupled with my blog statistics, while others say that I will need a polished manuscript in order to get a publisher since this is my first book. Either way I am going to start putting the project out there at the end of January in the hopes that I can at least get an agent, if not a book contract as well. Having a good agent would be huge and a big confidence booster for me. We will see what happens…I feel like I am ready to make this a reality and I have been following through with action.
This week I have been eating a lot of whole foods while eliminating processed crap, dairy and meats. Basically, I have temporarily gone vegan just to see what it would feel like. I do not plan to permanently stop eating dairy and meat, b/c I love both of them very much. But it’s been fun to try something new and I feel like it’s been beneficial to my body in only a matter of days. I thought eliminating dairy would be especially difficult, but it’s been no big deal. The easiest thing I did was swap my regular 1% milk for almond milk. It’s really tasty and even has more calcium. I was afraid to try it honestly, but I was pleasantly surprised. I’ve been tracking my food on Livestrong’s MyPlate app, and my protein intake has been above normal even without the meat and dairy. That always blows my mind a little bit. Anyway, this is just an experiment to broaden my horizons. It’s been fun!
I’ve decided to stop blogging every day… ahhh!!! My goal from this point on is to blog only when I have content, roughly two times a week. Somehow that seems harder to do, not having a firm daily schedule, but it will be good for me and my writing I think. I hope all of you still come back and check in, because it feels like I am letting go of something important by doing this. But it also feels like the right thing to do. As I try to become more true to myself, I want to put less expectations and self-imposed rules on things that I love to do. My blog is very important to me and it should happen on a natural schedule. It will be very strange to not do a post tomorrow though, and I’m sure I will be a little sad. But I haven’t lost anything really, I’ve gained more than I could have ever imagined from this little quest. Thanks for reading.
I’ve been entertaining an unusual thought for the past day or two – to stop blogging every day. I almost have a physical reaction to that idea, because it’s become a part of who I am. But that’s why I’m considering it… what if I don’t write? And, why exactly do I write every day anyway? I’ve been feeling a little overexposed lately, but who’s to say that I have to talk about personal things. What am I trying to prove to myself, and to other people? I enjoy it because it makes me feel connected and even accepted on some level. But as I get older I need less acceptance from other people. The flip side is that I really do love to write out ideas and thoughts on life in general, and I have enjoyed the accountability of my commitment. As I become more self-aware though, I have less and less desire to do things just for the sake of doing them. For example, saying “I made a movie with Mo Rocca”, or “I compete in Half Ironmans”, and even case in point, “I have blogged every day for over 600 posts straight.” I feel like sometimes I am trying to sculpt a public image of myself that’s far from the reality of who I really am. Yes, I am capable of doing amazing things. But what if amazing things happen when no one else is there to witnesses them? Does it make it any less amazing? I don’t know. All that to say that I’m not stopping my blog any time soon, but it is a thought I have from time to time. I think it’s healthy to question.
I was talking to my therapist last week about having a “big” personality, and the fact that I’ve labeled myself as such. When I first said it, she agreed with me, but when I said it a second time she asked me how I defined it. I said that I felt like I was loud, extroverted, emotional, expressive, sometimes even a performer. But then I went on to contradict myself by saying that I felt like the real me isn’t that way at all. While I do have a lot of energy that can take form as excitement, I think who I am deep inside is actually a little introverted. The “real” me comes out when I do things around people who I don’t know. I have no problem doing things alone and really enjoying the time by myself. I could travel alone, eat alone, watch movies alone, go do festivals alone, and be completely happy. Probably because I take off that self-imposed pressure on myself to become something I’m not when around others. But there are people who I feel like my true self around – my family for sure, and a very few select number of friends. If you ever see me lounging around without make-up and messy hair, not really feeling inclined to have a conversation, then you are probably experiencing the real me. If you ever see me laugh so hard that I start to cry, you are probably experiencing the real me. I think she needs to come out more… but not for your experience, for my own.
This morning was my first day of boot camp at Firm Body Boot Camps (Homewood Park location), and I feel like I might vomit. They have several classes throughout the day, with the first one being at 5:30… which is usually filled to capacity. I thought getting there at 6:30 was plenty early, considering the stars were still out when I arrived. As I drove up I saw people swings ropes and pulling tires, and I immediately questioned what I had gotten myself into. I was pretty nervous as it was without having a visual to go along with it. When I first walked up, Roman yelled a big hello to me from across the park and I quickly felt at ease. The people who attend these classes are not super athletes, just normal everyday folks, so I felt like I fit in pretty well right off the bat. The exercises/circuits that they have you do are easily modified to your own ability and are at relatively low risk for injury. With that being said, it totally kicked my butt and I literally almost threw up on the last circuit. Actually, I still feel like I might throw up. I am pretty sure as the day goes on it is going to be harder and harder to move, only because I haven’t done anything like this in a few months. All and all, it was super high energy fun and I am looking forward to the next session on Wednesday morning!
It was a really great weekend hopefully leading into a really great week. Yesterday I spent some time writing in a local coffee shop, which I really enjoy doing on a quiet day. I love to order a non-fat hot chocolate, put on my earphones and just type or write away. I usually end up daydreaming half of the time or watching other people doing the same thing as myself. I wonder what they are working on or looking at on their own computers or notebooks. Every now and then I make accidental eye contact with another coffee shop dweller and both of us quickly look away as if nothing ever happened. My favorite places to go in town are either Crestwood Coffee or Forest Perk, as both are very conducive to sparking creative energy.
I am pretty content with life right now. I feel like I am on the right path both professionally and personally. A good friend at work gave me a compliment last week and told me that I was a quick healer, since I am so proactive in trying to make myself better during or after difficult circumstances. And even though there may be some things that I want that I either can’t or don’t have in my life right now, I feel like I am pretty lucky duck.
It’s amazing what a week, or even a day, will bring. I had zero idea that I was even in the running for winning Birmingham Magazine’s Best Local Blog in the annual Best of Birmingham issue, but lo and behold… I got it. Click here to see the winners from every category. I actually found out b/c someone congratulated me on my Facebook wall. When I discovered that it was true, I ran up and down the halls at work saying, “I won! I won!”. :) There are numerous great blogs here in Birmingham, so it is an amazing honor and one that I’m extremely proud of.
When I started this blog in March of 2010, my only purpose was to post every day until I lost 45 pounds. Beyond that, I had no further plans for continuing it. However once I lost the weight, I discovered that I really really love writing in my blog. It’s something that I didn’t want to give up… so I didn’t. And here I am a year and a half later, almost 550 posts in and still going strong. I am so grateful that I discovered “my voice”. I’m also proud to say that I’ve maintained my weight loss with ease b/c of the accountability my blog gives me.
Since I’ve become a blogger myself, I have started to read more and more blogs by other people. You’d think it would happen the other way around, but it didn’t. I think sharing a common love with someone helps you to understand better what they are trying to communicate. I think about what they were doing when they decided to write their post, how long it took them, were they happy or sad, did they proof it first… all kinds of things. I can also see the great courage it takes to put something really personal out there for the world to see. It’s hard to be more vulnerable than posting something revealing on the internet. I’ve done it time and time again… sometimes wondering if I should have shared. But I am always glad that I did. I hope others feel the same way.
Best of Birmingham!
