Did I say that I was excited about Thanksgiving?  Well, I still am… but I’m also completely terrified of the food.  I am starting to notice that I’m becoming a little too carefree at meals and with snacks.  I’m not overeating, but I am eating a little more than I should.  I hate to express any sort of weakness, because it makes it that much more real. I put up a confident front for myself sometimes more than anything… because if I believe it, then that’s all that matters.

I know I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately and things have been going at a rapid pace.  In the past, this has spelled disaster and a downward spiral that I couldn’t control.  So I’ve been trying to find the origin of these negative thoughts.

1.  I have increased my exercise time & intensity a great deal in the past month or so.  I might be falling into the trap of thinking that doing more means getting to eat a little more.  I know this is bad logic.

2.  I have stopped counting my calories as much.  For the past few weeks instead of counting every single calorie every single day, I’ve cut back to doing it maybe 4 to 5 days a week.  And I’ve been lax some of those days by not counting a popsicle here or a popsicle there.  I’m going to get back into the habit because it brings me peace.

3.  I could be worrying for no freakin’ reason… it’s not like I’ve gained any weight back.  It’s more than likely a wave of temporary anxiety.  My husband has pointed out on more than one occasion that it’s nearly impossible for me not to worry about something at any given point in time.  Since all of these bigger things have passed, I’ve shifted my negative energy to my weight.

I’m sure if I go back through my blog that I would find days where I have felt similar to the way I do right at this moment.    I just need to take a deep breath, calm the eff down and get a grip.

I remembered this evening while going through this minor panic that I haven’t been wearing my LiveStrong bracelet for the past few weeks.  I am going to wear that sucker again every day through the holidays to remind me of my inner strength & potential.  I will not be afraid of food.  I will not let anxiety take over my spirit.   Life is too short to waste precious energy on worthless internal dialog and self sabotage.

As of this moment, I am releasing the turkey demon – go gobble up someone else’s tree.  🙂