Do you know what’s coming up soon?  The day that Mike and I will no longer be married.  We should receive notice over the next two to three weeks of the finalization.  I don’t know if I’ve been especially reminiscent lately or what, but it’s been a hard pill to swallow over the past few days.  It feels like I am losing a person that I love… and I basically am.  I guess no matter how confident in the decision we are, we are still losing all of the good things that we had together.  What do you do with all of the happy memories?  What do you do with all of it?  It almost feels like you are supposed to forget everything we had over the past five years, but that doesn’t seem right.  I guess I am just having a hard time finding what to do with all of these emotions.  I’ve been trying really hard just to feel them as they come, but sometimes I just get lost.  It’s like one day you are frolicking in the sun hand-in-hand with the one you love, then the next you are separated by this hazy fog and are forced to say goodbye.  I know this is just a down phase, and it will go away just as quickly as it came.  Or at least I hope so.  It’s not that I feel like we made the wrong decision, we both know that we did what we had to do.  It just really sucks to have to give someone up.  There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground with divorce, or there hasn’t been for us really.  Either you have it all, or you give it all away.  Sometimes lingering in the middle just hurts too much.  I know Mike has been doing his own thing with his own friends, and so have I.  Sometimes I even see him out and we catch up a little bit face to face.  Then we say goodbye and go our separate ways.  Not even two months ago we would have been going home together & waking up next to each other in the morning.  That’s a pretty big change in a very short amount of time.  I guess knowing that we will no longer be husband and wife in a matter of days kinda hurts at the moment.  But, I am looking for encouragement & hope wherever I can find it!