Weigh-In Wednesday #76 – 150.2

The writing was on the wall.  We could see it in each others face, it would be over soon.  It had been a wonderful journey full of highs and lows.  This person helped guide me through a dark time when I had very little light to see the way.  As I sat in my therapist’s office yesterday, I could tell that our sessions were nearing to an end.  At one point I looked at her and said – “I feel very, very happy.”  This is a death sentence for needing any more therapy.  It’s not that things in my life are perfect, because they aren’t.  But they feel really good.  I am myself again through and through.  At one point I teared up from the shock of the words I was saying – I was breaking up with my therapist.  I didn’t need her anymore… or, I needed her a lot less.  And she was so thrilled for me.  She could see it in my face that I was going to be just fine.  Not that she ever had any doubt, because she surely didn’t.  She knew I would get there, and I got there pretty fast.  We discussed the areas of my life that I am still working on and my thought processes behind them.  But that’s the thing – there will always be aspects of life to improve or ways of thinking to enhance, but it’s all about the approach.  If you can figure out a way to solve problems while being and listening to your authentic self, then you’ve figured out a bigger piece of the puzzle than the problem itself.

When I first started to see her I was exercising WAY too much and I had a hard time seeing anything clearly in my personal life.  A lot of the things I was doing to relieve the extra stress are none existent now.  I think it will be very interesting to see how exercise unfolds in my life now that I have a better perspective on it.  She has heard me talk about very unhealthy motivations to do extreme distances and workouts, but on the other hand she has heard me talk about how much I love pushing myself and finishing a difficult goal.  The line between an authentic desire and bullying myself is very blurry in this area of my life.  I think the answer is this – it is OK for me to train for long distances, as long as I stick with a program.  If I start adding workouts or thinking about it too much, or start associating it with my body image, then I’ve crossed a line.  It’s totally fine to get joy out of moving my body and being free… because it makes me feel like I can fly.  I love being active and I love that my body allows me to do participate in almost anything I want to do. I’m pretty sure I will never give that up.

At the end of our session I could tell that she was surprised that I scheduled one more appointment with her in about 3 weeks.  I don’t feel like I am done with her quite yet, but it is definitely close…