This morning I woke up thinking about one of my favorite movies of all time – Vanilla Sky.  Mostly because I couldn’t get out of bed and the “Open Your Eyes” alarm scene was playing over and over in my head.  I also made a list while still under the covers of some things I wanted to write about today.  I think the rain inspired me.

Most people have recurring dreams, and I have several that come up time and time again.  Last night it was the hotel room that I couldn’t find, room #912.  I kept seeing these signs telling me to go in different directions, but it was never there.  I also dream of being stuck in airports often, and sometimes not having a ticket or being late for my flight.  A handful of times the plane that I was on even crashed… one of the scariest dreams I’ve ever had.  But it was also exciting in a way, which is hard to describe.  I guess because I always lived.  Another number dream I have is forgetting my locker combination… this is probably my most common one.  I do have happy recurring dreams as well – like the one with our old dog Teddy in Morris (where I grew up) exploring the woods together with the REM song At My Most Beautiful playing in the background.  I’ve woken up crying from being so happy in this dream… which is strange b/c there is nothing too symbolic in it.  It is just the way I feel in it, I guess.  I also dream of floating/flying which is super awesome to have.  Sometimes while I’m still asleep I am convinced that I have the power to fly and I try to figure out how to make it happen when I finally wake up.  🙂  It’s one of those special dreams where I know I’m asleep while still being asleep. And last but not least – my favorite dream of all is the bubble dream.  I am once again in the Morris house, and there is a gigantic bubble floating by one of the upstairs windows.  I am strangely aware that when the bubble pops, which is inevitable, the world will end.  There is always a strange feeling of beauty and sorrow when I have this dream, since I am powerless from preventing it since I am indoors, but I feel so grateful to know what is about to happen when it does.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I have a terrible short memory.  I have a very difficult time remembering when things happen, mostly within the sequence of a week.  I am able to remember events happening and mostly what was said or discussed, but if you asked me what I did last night or the night before I will draw a blank for a few minutes. Isn’t that bizarre?  Sometimes I think it’s because my mind is so geared for the right now and for the future, that the past doesn’t hold as much significance.  Which is something I would like to change.  It’s strange, when I was in high school and college the past meant so much, so much in fact that the nostalgia would break my heart.  I would miss things, situations and people who weren’t around anymore and it would make me very sad.  I wonder if I detached from remembering things as a way of coping and avoiding pain.  I especially black out events that are traumatic… I couldn’t tell you a thing about what happened or what was said about anything terrible in my life.  With that being said, I would like to start doing memory exercises that make my short-term memory better, so if you know if anything useful please pass it my way!

I’ll see you in another life when we are both cats.