I find myself in a very interesting life transition right now. I feel unsettled and a little unhappy at times. That may have already been apparent from some of my blog posts of late, or maybe not. While I absolutely hate to write anything that I feel is negative, ultimately the purpose of this blog is to be truthful through and through. I think most of you who’ve been with me from the beginning or who know me in real life are aware that I’m a fairly happy and optimistic person 95% of the time. But for the past few days I just feel like I can’t rise above this funk. Maybe it’s because my 33rd birthday is coming up next week, or maybe it’s the delayed January blues. Last night I seemed to reach a low point of hopelessness…but then something happened. I picked myself up. I turned on some music, cleaned my whole mini house and wrote out my feelings in a journal. When I feel like I am alone, that’s when I realize that I have the best person in the whole entire world on my side – me. It’s true, from time to time I am going to let myself indulge in a “it’s not fair” attitude, but it will always be short-lived. Life isn’t very fair for anyone on this planet most of the time. It’s what we do with what we’ve got in the time we are allowed. I may never realize some of my bigger dreams, but at least I try…every single day. And honestly I think that’s what brings the funk around every now and then, because I aim so high. My expectations are high. It would be unrealistic for me to not apply some sort of timetable shell on what I would like to happen in my life, but things have a way of unfolding all on their own despite our best plans.
Here are some of the words that I wrote last night in my journal, which honestly surprised me:
I also left some advice for myself in the short-term: Focus on my book, save money, keeping searching for opportunities, but always be present. While I don’t expect to make money on my book, I do hope that people will read it. I hope it is meaningful. Saving money will give me the freedom to act on life changing experiences like travel or eventually a move to another city. Always being open to opportunity keeps me alive, while being present in the moment makes me appreciate what I already have…no matter what happens in the future.